Beyond Goal Setting: What I’ve Learned About Leading Yourself by Design

The turning point came on March 16, 2024 — the day my mom passed away.

In the months that followed, I found myself in unfamiliar territory. I expected to need rest and time to grieve. What I didn’t expect was to feel emptied out for so long — as if grief had taken even the parts of me I thought were unshakable.

I wasn’t just sad. I was hollowed out. The energy, drive, and optimism that had always carried me through hard times were suddenly gone.

For most of my life, I’ve been the one who rallies. I find the silver lining and push forward, no matter what.
But this time was different. Every familiar source of strength felt out of reach — as if life had quietly dismantled the very scaffolding that held me together.

So instead of pushing harder, I stopped. I breathed. Slowly, I began to realize that what felt like an ending might actually be the beginning of something new — not another chapter to power through, but a complete redesign of how I wanted to live, lead, and be.

That’s when I began to take a long, honest look at what it really means to lead myself by design, not by default.

A different Kind of Leadership Journey

For years, “by design, not default” was both a belief and a practice. It’s how I built my business, shaped my family’s life, and guided others to create their own intentional paths.

But as I put one foot in front of the other this past year, I realized something: designing the next chapter of life is a different kind of leadership journey.

It’s not about chasing what’s next or reaching for the next brass ring.
It’s about listening — to who you’ve become, what truly matters now, and what you’re no longer willing to compromise.

“Leading yourself by design is about living each day in alignment with what you most desire — not just in service of some future you hope to reach someday.”

Leading Yourself by Design: Begin with Knowing

In my work, I often talk about The Secret to Getting What You Want — the Know–Own–Choose model.  It’s a simple but profound way to lead yourself and others.

The KNOW – OWN – CHOOSE Model
— the foundation of leading yourself by design.

KNOW who you are, what matters most, and what you most desire.

OWN your strengths, your stories, and your power to make things happen.

CHOOSE the actions that align with the future you want to create.

Shifting Focus from Goals to Desires

I’ve always believed that Knowing What You Want must come first. Over the past year, I discovered that it’s not just about goals or achievements — it’s about something deeper: desire.

Not desire as ambition, but desire in how you want to experience your everyday life.

Goals point you toward the future. Desire brings you back to the present. You can set goals for what you want to accomplish, but leading yourself by design is about how you want to feel each day — and who you want to become along the way.

Goals have value. They give direction and focus. Yet they can also keep you chasing “someday” while missing what’s happening right now.

I learned that the hard way.

In the years before my mom passed, my goals stayed bold. But I ignored the realities of caregiving, parenting, and my own wellbeing. I kept pushing forward, measuring progress by outcomes, not by how I felt.

It caught up with me. The exhaustion wasn’t just physical — it was soul-deep.

When you build a life around goals without honoring your desires, you can achieve everything you set out to do and still feel disconnected from yourself.

Now I see that Knowing What You Want isn’t only about clarity — it’s about alignment. When you know your values, your natural rhythms, and your season of life, you lead and live with quiet confidence.

You stop performing leadership and start embodying it.
You stop chasing what used to matter and start creating what truly does.
You honor your desires because they bring out your best.

That’s what it means to lead yourself by design — to live the life you want every day, not just someday.

The Quiet Work of Redesigning

That realization — that knowing myself needed to come before doing more — was both liberating and unsettling.

For someone who has always thrived on vision, strategy, and action, doing less felt uncomfortable at first. My natural instinct was to make a plan, set a goal, and take massive action. But what I needed most wasn’t a plan — it was space.

So, I gave myself permission to slow down. To not have all the answers. To let the fog be there until it began to lift.

The quiet work of redesigning didn’t happen in one grand moment of clarity. It happened in the smallest of choices — going for a walk instead of diving into email, sitting by the ocean with a journal, saying no to opportunities that didn’t feel aligned even if they looked “good on paper.”

It was in those quiet, ordinary moments that I began to hear my own voice again.

From Reflection to Reimagining

Over time, I started to see the outlines of what my next chapter might look like — not as a business plan, but as a life design. One built around how I want to feel and contribute every day, not just what I want to accomplish next.

I realized I didn’t want to start over. I wanted to start anew. Not by erasing what came before, but by honoring it — and allowing it to evolve into something deeper, simpler, and truer.

That’s when something unexpected happened.

One day, while sharing about my journey with a client, she looked at me and said,

“Would you ever consider doing a mastermind on this — and finding a few others to join us?”

That question lit a spark.  It was the beginning of what became Next Chapter by Design — not as a replacement for Fire Up Your Leadership™, but as a complement to it.

Because Fire Up Your Leadership continues to be my core work — helping women rise, lead with authenticity, and get recognized for the difference they make. But Next Chapter by Design was born for a different moment — for women who have already led, achieved, and contributed deeply, and are now ready to reimagine what fulfillment and purpose look like beyond their current chapter.

Both are about leading yourself by design, not default. They just meet you at different moments in your journey.

Why I’m Writing Again

Coming back to writing feels like coming home.

This blog has always been a space where I could think out loud, share what I’m learning, and connect with people who care about leading and living with intention.

So, as I step into this new chapter, I’ll be writing again — about leadership, purpose, visibility, and designing a life that fits who you’ve become (not just who you were). I’ll share stories from my clients, lessons from my own journey, and practical ways to use the Know–Own–Choose model in everyday life and leadership.

Because I’ve learned that the next chapter doesn’t begin when something ends — it begins when you choose to know yourself again.

An Invitation

If you’ve been feeling that tug — that quiet sense that something in your life or work wants to evolve — you’re not alone.

Maybe you’ve accomplished everything you set out to do, yet something still feels unfinished.

Maybe you’re ready to move from chasing what’s next to choosing what’s truly yours to create next — the chapter your heart keeps whispering about.

If that sounds familiar, I’d love to hear from you.

This isn’t a launch announcement — it’s a reawakening.
An invitation to begin your own process of leading yourself by design — one intentional choice at a time.

You can reach me here if you’d like to talk about Next Chapter by Design — or simply stay tuned as I share more of what I’m discovering along the way.

Because your next chapter deserves to be by design — not by default.

As I’ve reflected on what it truly means to lead myself by design, I’ve realized that my own journey began long before I ever taught it — shaped by two extraordinary people who showed me what leadership from the heart really looks like.

A Special Dedication

My journey with Random Acts of Leadership™ began with a message from my dad — one that changed everything for me.

I started this blog — and ultimately the Random Acts of Leadership™ journey — inspired by his final words to me when he passed away.

From this moment forward, I want to bring my mom, Anna Mae Ernst, into that dedication as well.

She was truly the wind beneath my wings — and, honestly, the wind beneath so many others’. People were drawn to her warmth. Even strangers on a park bench would open up to her because she was so genuinely kind and open-hearted.

My dad used to say she was his secret weapon — and he was right. She was his partner in every sense of the word: smart, wise, beautiful inside and out, and always ready to serve or take the lead when it mattered most. She embodied servant leadership.

My mom’s grace, generosity, and quiet strength continue to guide me, especially now, as I step into this next chapter of leading and living by design.  I miss her deeply but she will never be missing from my life.