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The gap between expectations and reality can be a big source of frustration when leading or managing. Yet while you may recognize the gap between what you expect and the reality of what others do, how can you close that gap for the future?
Consider that your expectations are essentially the basis you use to assess whether you are satisfied or not in a person’s or a groups performance. So if you want others to succeed with you, then making your expectations clear and explicit is essential.
Of course, this goes both ways. Others have expectations of you or your team as well. And they will use them to assess their satisfaction of your performance. It is just as important for you to be clear about the expectations others have about you. You may need to work harder to make sure you are clear about what others expect of you.
Why Closing The Gap Between Expectations And Reality Matters?
A lack of clear, effective, open, and honest communication is a rampant complaint in organizational life. In fact, poor communication is one of the top complaints on employee satisfaction surveys. Consider these statistics:
- 57% of employees report not being given clear directions. (HR Technologist)
- 86% of employees and executives cite lack of collaboration or ineffective communication for workplace failures. (Salesforce)
- 33% of employees said a lack of open, honest communication has the most negative impact on employee morale. (Recruiter)
The frequency of an expectation and reality gap indicates that there is a fundamental and persistent breakdown in communication.
Making your expectations clear and explicit is essential to improving communication. This applies both to individuals you are working with as well as to communication between teams.
When people have expectations of each other that are undistinguished, this will magnify the gap between expectations and reality. Not only will this cause breakdowns in relationships, but it will also hinder your performance.
Closing the gap between expectations and reality requires that you be conscious and deliberate in communicating your expectations.
So while poor communication is a hard problem to solve, perhaps there is a simple way you can be part of the solution.
A simple yet potent way to address poor communication in your everyday interactions is to practice making expectations clear and explicit.
Here are some things you can do to take personal responsibility when the expectations and reality gap is causing frustration. Practice them consistently and you can close the gap for the future.
Three Ways To Reduce The Gap Between Expectations And Reality
1. Make your expectations explicit when you make any request
When you are persistently frustrated with someone because they did not do or say what you expected, it’s time to first get clear for yourself about what you were expecting and why. Remember that people cannot read your mind no matter how well you think they should know what you expect.
You are 100% responsible for your satisfaction so it is up to you to make your expectations are clear when you make requests.
If you fail to communicate your expectations, your expectations are simply a wish. But when you make your expectations explicit you can transform that wish into an agreement. An effective request invites the person you have expectations of to actually make a choice. In doing so you invite them into a potentially mutually satisfying experience of working together. This is the basis for creating an accountable culture. The alternative is to leave others trying to live up to your expectations rather than taking steps to ensure they will.
2. Help others to be clear about their expectations
You can avoid many breakdowns by ensuring you understand the expectations others have of you up front. Notice any assumptions you are making and make sure to check them out explicitly. If you notice after the fact that you are not clear, go back and ask. While you may worry about looking bad, consider you will look far worse if you are not clear.
Nonetheless, sometimes no matter how hard you try, you may still end up with a gap between expectations and reality. People are often not even aware that their expectations were not clear. Unfortunately the initial response may be blame. It could be them blaming you for not delivering to their satisfaction. Or perhaps you may blame them for not being clear.
The path forward, however, always begins with this belief: You are 100% responsible for the success and satisfaction in your relationships. The way to correct course is through communication. Begin with a context of what we could have done and can do better vs. whose fault it was. Talk about what was and was not clear. Take responsibility for your part in the breakdown in communication. What could you have done differently? Is there something that you didn’t understand or that you learned? What could you have done better in hindsight?
In the process you will learn more about how each other thinks. This will improve your ability to ensure reality aligns with expectations the next time.
3. Be mindful of the expectation and reality gap in your relationships
There are some relationships where you will have little, if any, trouble meeting or exceeding expectations. Some of the factors that influence the clarity and effectiveness of communication include shared knowledge, experience, and trust. This is an excellent foundation for success and high performance. Take a moment and appreciate those people or teams you work with where there is ease and mutual satisfaction.
However, in relationships where the expectation and reality gap is problematic, you must bring extra care to your communication. First, be more vigilant in practicing the first two steps above.
There is, however, one more thing you can do to close the gap. Do the work to understand their worldview of what matters most.
A key factor in relationships that work well is the extent to which you understand what is important to each other.
When the gap is large and results are less than satisfying, a great next step is to learn what is important to them. You cannot possibly meet nor exceed anyones expectations until you understand what matters to them. And when you are less than satisfied, consider that you need to do a better job of communicating what is most important to you, too.
Effective Leaders And Managers Make Their Expectations Known And Clear
By mastering your ability to set clear expectations and ensuring others do the same, you will help others succeed individually. Yet perhaps the most important outcome from closing the expectation and reality gap is the trust you will build among your team. Because increasing trust will ensure you all succeed together.
What will you do next to close the gap and improve your communication?
“Building high performing teams means building your people up in a position to be successful.”
To successfully implement a customer-centric strategy, a company must have a culture that aligns with them — and leaders who intentionally cultivate the necessary values in its employees.
Great post. As a leader, I often find it difficult to prompt my team members to make their expectations clear. You are very right that communication is paramount in these situations.
Thank you Marta! That you are aware of the need to prompt your team members to make their expectations clear is awesome. Taking the time up front to make sure you are clear about what others expect from you creates the foundation for strong, accountable, satisfying relationships.
Thank you for posting such a wonderful post!
I honestly found this to be applicable to most of the remote work that I do. Trust has never been more important, especially in bridging the gap between expectations and reality. Thanks for a great article.
Thank you Dennis! It most definitely applies to remote work and is a practice that builds trust both in office and when working remotely. I think remote work just made the need to bring discipline to closing this gap more apparent than ever. I was talking to an HR exec for a very large company recently and the leaders in her organization wanted to jump right back to everyone coming back into the office. For many leaders it’s just easier when people are in the office. But I wonder…is it really more efficient/effective to manage and lead people in an office setting or does it just allow leaders to live in an illusion that it’s the structure of coming to work makes the discipline less necessary?
This is something that every leader should better understand. Even when adding new positions it’s hard to place expectations but working with your employee and understanding the workflow is important. Communication is a constant issue and a lot of it like you outlined has to do with expectations and understanding what is important to each person. Great blog!
Thank you Rebecca! Yes, especially when someone starts in a new position it is essential to keep communicating until both are clear they are in the same page.
Managing our expectations is a critical skill that can help us navigate the challenges of life and work. By being honest, clear, and adaptable, we can work towards achieving our goals while also maintaining a healthy and realistic perspective on what is possible. Thank you for sharing.
Yes Parker, it is a critical skill! You note what I see as the keys to doing this well – be honest, clear and adaptable. I’ll add wrt adaptability that expectations can change and it is so important to be awake enough to renegotiate when that happens. Thanks for weighing in!